Today was 'not' a Fairytale....

Day 1 without Chris:

It's pretty strange to even mention that phrase. Unpleasant actually. It's not anything I expected or anticipated. It just... happened. And for so many stupid reasons. So many reasons that I would say being my fault. It's life though. We'll move on. Or will I? Can I? I don't know if I can. I won't do anything stupid or unthinkable... it's just... I don't know. I've taken so many steps forward with him. So far as to introducing him to my family! Mi familia!!! Where has that all gone now? I've taken so many steps back now. Who knows if I'll ever go that far again, with anyone. I don't want there to be anyone else though. That's the problem. If I was to write a CD about Chris, I am not quite sure what the songs would be, but the title would be something like Mariah Carey's Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel and Kelly Clarksons All I Ever Wanted. Lets just call it..

"Memoirs of All I Ever Wanted"

Sounds fair? right? It's not though. it's not fair at all. So MUCH happened last night. I lost my boyfriend, and I lost my best friend (JP). Well, hopefully I didn't lose him, but once again, the roommate experience was at its most uncomfortable stage. It was the point where everyone realized that everyone talked about everyone. Better yet, I think everyone knew they talked about eachother, but last night it just spilled out. And it all started because of me. and that STUPID futon. I should just burn it, but my things would probably go along with it. Yikes. So yea, roommate and I had a fallout last night. He's never raised his voice like that to me, ever. That was a bigger fallout than Travis and I had a couple of years ago, my first year in Park Hall. That was settled quickly, because we realized we needed eachother. JP has Jesse. He doesn't need me. I need him though. I need him badly. There's no one to talk to about this. Except myself. There's no room to talk though, I'm just sittin here picking up the pieces, trying to put them together.

It was such a perfect life, such a perfect releationship. For me it was perfect. His mind, his body, his life.. it was everything I looked for. And I found it. But he called me a quitter last night. I couldn't help but laugh, but it didn't strike me as funny. He was right. I am a quitter. Not in life, never have I quit in life. My job, my family, sports, ect... I've never quit.... but him, I quit :-( So I did... I quit in life. He was my life.

I'm running out of words, because sooner or later I'll just sound like I'm repeating myself. It's too much, something I've never anticipated, like I said earlier. My sister is coming down to Muncie tonight. I cannot wait to see her, but it still won't take my mind off one thing......

Well here is to the official restart of my blog. Bloggers, enjoy.

Still.... nothing compares...

"It's been so lonely.. without you here. Like a bird, without a song..."
- Wynter Gordon

Well the day is officially over. Scratching my head kinda. But no worries. Michael is here for a sleepover but all that seems to be coming from this is youtube watching and citing Scary Movie and Mean Girl quotes. Ugh, how old am i!?!?

In other news, I signed a lease to live off campus today. First time I'm living off campus in 4 years... 4 years!!!!!! Ahhh!!! So excited. I'm living by myself. Everything to myself. My own bed (well... Chris's too), own kitchen, bathroom, ect! Ugh! Privacy!!! :0) I smile so much when I think about it. Wow.... 4 years. Have I really been in college this long? I can still remember being a freshman, what I thought, how I was, how I looked, who I was friends with. DAMN! I miss some of them, not going to lie! Well enough about reminising about the past. HERE I AM!

So the apartment is taken care of, internship is taken care of, and school is going great!!!! I am off to bed! I wish twitter was like this, but I understand why. No one reads this most likely, but I realized it's so nice to get my thoughts out there. It's like I'm telling someone my thoughts!

Night Y'all!!!

Bobby McClanahan <3

Nothing compares...

Well I am sitting in my Sport Admin 303 Marketing class right now. This is insane. There is an elderly man in our class and he is clearly providing all the entertainment that we could possibly need. This man means no harm, he's not looking for attention, but his personality is not what I would call, 'unique.'

Yesterday was Monday, another boring day. I only had a few classes, but the day went by rather quickly which was surprising. I played volleyball for nearly 3 hours last night and now I am paying for it. My back and my feet are killing me. I would play every night if I could though.

Chris and I are going to tour (and hopefully sign a lease for) my studio apartment for next year. This place is wonderful. It's two blocks south of TIS bookstore, and it is near campus as well as the bars! I hope Chris can get away with living with me during the summer. I would love nothing more! :-) The tour and potential signing period is at 5:30pm. After that, there is a basketball game against Miami (OH). Good luck Cards!

Not really much on my mind right now, but hopefully I'll post another this evening. Till then, much love!!!

-Bobby

It's been awhile..

"It's been awhile, I know I shouldn't have kept you waiting, but I'm here now." - Britney Spears

That quote (lyric) that was typed above pretty much sums up this entire post. It has been awhile! I initially started this post for a grade in school, but I believe that good things (hopefully) can come from this.

No worries, I'll keep this post short and sweet.

In my eyes, I can (and will) use this blog to express my thoughts, feelings, and expressions towards what I think, feel, and believe during my life. My goal is to express positive feedback towards myself and others. My goal will definitly not be to bash others or make myself feel (or sound) more superior. It makes me excited that I can now put a blog to good use. This will be my first official blog. We'll see what good comes from it. :-)

To sum up my weekend, I took my boyfriend, Christopher Rios home and he loved it! It made me laugh and smile watching him do the same when he saw my house, my pets, and my life that I left when I came to Ball State University. The Indianapolis Colts are advancing to their 4th Superbowl in franchise history, that was enjoyable to watch. Right now, Chris and I are watching the Saints and Vikings. On that note, I am signing off. See you all tomorrow!! <3

Bobby